Griniaris.com

Subject: UNION DEMANDS – Immediate Action Required

The first demand was straightforward enough:

1. All coding station chairs must now be replaced with beanbags.
“Comfort is key to productivity,” the email insisted. “Extra points if they have unicorns on them.”

2. A monthly “Napception Day” where employees can take a nap within their naps.
The email explained that employees were to enter a ‘Nap Room,’ fall asleep, and once fully relaxed, they would then be invited to “fall asleep within that sleep.” Apparently, the idea was inspired by a dream

The next demand was almost too absurd to believe:

3. An official “Snack Wall” in the office, where every snack is free, but only if the employee can make it through the “Snack Gauntlet.”
The gauntlet was described as a series of puzzles, riddles, and obstacles involving inflatable sharks. Only those who could correctly solve the riddle of the “Snack Oracle” (a bearded Handler named Tim) would gain access to the Snack Wall, which contained everything from granola bars to artisanal jerky.

4. A full, paid day off for every employee if the company hits any ‘arbitrary milestone.’
This could include things like “when the first leaf falls off a tree,” or “when a seagull lands on the office roof.” No explanation was given for the “arbitrary” nature of these events, but the union insisted that they would be “professionally observed” by a newly hired “Milestone Specialist” whose sole job would be to declare arbitrary moments as company victories.