It was a crisp Monday evening when the office received a new interim employee, Caveman. He was a fresh face, eager to make his mark. But Caveman had one thing nobody knew: the uncanny ability to spread illness faster than a viral TikTok challenge.
At first, everyone thought Caveman was just a little “under the weather.” No big deal. Everyone gets a sniffle now and then. But by lunchtime, things took a strange turn.
Maudine from accounting was coughing like she’d swallowed a frog. CompLady from HR was sneezing so loud, it felt like a fire alarm. Kick, the IT guy, kept wiping his nose on his sleeve, and Forges from marketing started looking green like she was about to hurl… and it wasn’t even 8 p.m. yet.
Caveman was oblivious, happily sitting at his desk, offering everyone his “miracle tea” that he swore would boost their immune systems. It was a strange concoction of ginger, turmeric, and—was that raw garlic? Who knows. But people took it because hey, maybe it was magic.
By 9 p.m., the office was like a scene from a pandemic-themed horror movie. There were people wrapped in blankets, huddled at their desks, heads down, desperately trying to power through. CAveman, though? He was thriving. He’d taken down half a box of tissues by now and was happily planning his weekend, completely unaware of the chaos he’d unleashed.
When the day finally came to a close, and the last of the infected staggered out, the office had turned into a zombie apocalypse zone. One by one, each employee would go home… only to wake up the next day worse off. It was like a slow-motion train wreck of coughing, sneezing, and groaning.
The next day, Caveman was nowhere to be seen. Turns out, he had to “take a mental health day”—or, you know, a personal day to nurse his “mystery illness.”
And the rest of the office? They all emailed in sick, taking turns to complain about the “Caveman virus” that had spread like wildfire.
Moral of the story: Never trust the guy who shares his “miracle tea” with a cough. Always, always have a bottle of hand sanitizer on hand.
Griniaris.com 
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